I always talk about how my decade of experience working in the mental health field has led me to be very self-aware of my issues. I was right when it came to my anxiety, my depression, and PTSD. I was right when it came to learning coping skills to help make it through the rough times they have caused me. I was right when it came to being able to find resources for various things I, or others, needed. I was right when it came to being able to uncover why I engaged in certain behaviors, or followed certain thought patterns. But I was wrong on so many other levels.
I have been soooo unaware of some of my deepest issues. My self-doubt, my self-loathing, my lack of confidence, my self-image issues. I have been going through life completely unaware of how little love I have for myself. And it broke my heart when I realized that. There is the saying that others can't love you when you don't love yourself, and I can finally grasp the meaning behind that.
One thing that has happened due to the lack of self-love in my life, is that I question everyone's intentions. Every. Single. Person. And I've realized that it's because I don't believe that I have very many redeeming qualities, which is an absurd notion. So, with that misguided notion rattling around in my head, I don't give anyone a chance, and I push everyone away...because if I don't see any good qualities in myself, why do these people tell me THEY do? I start to think they must want something from me. The screwed up thing about this line of thinking, is that I get myself into relationships with people that I can have absolutely no future with, people that only end up "proving" my theory, as a way to further my way of twisted thinking...a way to tell myself that I must be right. Which is so ridiculous, that I would laugh if it wasn't so sad!
But I have been bound and determined to figure this mess out. I have been asking myself the hard questions. The deep questions. The hurtful questions. The BIG questions. And it has revealed so much! I found this website that offers 52 questions to ask yourself, and I have been slowly working through them. It has really opened my eyes, and has helped me become more self-aware of what is going on below the surface. I highly recommend checking it out and working on them. If you are honest with yourself, you will be really surprised at what you find out about yourself.
It is SO important to love yourself. You are your lifelong partner. You have a relationship with yourself, but it isn't an ordinary relationship. You have the added factors of your thoughts, your emotions, your fears, and your insecurities...all stuck inside of one body...a body you will have your entire life. It's a relationship you will have until you die. So do you want to have a healthy, loving relationship? One that grows, and expands, and betters you? One that makes you happy, full of joy, and excited for the future? Or do you want a negative, abusive relationship? One that makes you miserable and self-conscious? One that makes you feel bad about yourself, wishing you could escape knowing you cant?
It really is true that the relationship you have with yourself sets the stage for every other relationship you have outside of yourself. If you don't love yourself and respect yourself, if you don't set healthy expectations and boundaries for yourself, it makes it almost impossible to get that from any other relationship. If you don't accept yourself or embrace yourself, you can never fully expect others to do so either. It has been a slap in the face to REALLY, FINALLY understand this. A very eye opening lesson. And with it, has come this amazing sense of peace and acceptance.
Loving yourself is a lifelong process. You will make mistakes. You will have bad hair days. You will gain weight. You will wear the wrong color. You will spill food on your shirt and not notice it until you use the restroom right after that very important meeting with your boss. You will say something embarrassing. You will trip in front of that really cute person. You will toot in front of someone. You will spill coffee down your brand new shirt. You will fail. You will fail again. But guess what? You will learn from those mistakes. You will have awesome hair days. You will lose weight. You will rock that color that goes flawlessly with your eyes and skin tone. You will get that promotion or that raise regardless of having taco meat and cheese on your shirt. You will say the right thing at the right time, for someone who really needed to hear it. You will succeed. You will succeed again. Because you are human. And humans are durable creatures. We can handle the ups and the downs because we are biologically built to do so. We were given the gift of life because we are strong enough to survive it.
If you are feeling lost, if you are feeling self-conscious, if you are feeling ugly or fat or less than, if you are feeling worthless or stupid, if you are feeling like you don't belong or that you aren't meant to do great things....I implore you to check out that link above. Ask yourself the tough questions, the hard questions, the hurtful and deep questions. Take ownership of yourself and your mindset. Take time to get to know yourself, the real you, under the mask you wear for others. You will start to love what you see. I promise.
I hope you have a beautiful day
-Slips-
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